Good afternoon. Thanks for coming. As we begin this short conference on marriage and divorce, let’s begin with prayer. Father, we come before you this afternoon. We thank you for giving us this time to think about, to meditate upon, and to be edified. Lord God, about marriage and about divorce. Help us to think through these with your mind, according to your will, and correct us, Father, where we have wrong thinking and have gone off into wrong directions. Bring us back to what your word says, that we might be guided and directed according to your most holy and perfect will. We ask this in Jesus’s name, amen.
Well, here’s our agenda for the day. We want to actually consider two questions. Why marry? And then, why stay married? That’ll be our focus for the day. We’ll hopefully go through about 2.10 or so in this first session, take a break, and then come back. for our second section. So in a sense, we’re talking about marriage and divorce, but I wanted to break it up into questions. Why marry and why stay married? So our first topic for this first session is why marry? And most of you are married, and so you may be thinking, well, I’m already married.
I really don’t need any answer to this question. But I want us to walk through it. And I want to see what’s God’s purpose in marriage. And why would anyone actually seek to be married if you’re not married? And then maybe some thoughts about if you are married, how are you thinking about your marriage? So first, why marry? A biblical answer. And we’re going to break it up this way in three different points. First, what is marriage? Secondly, what is the purpose of marriage? And then finally, why would you marry? Why would you marry? So first, what is marriage?
I think we all have thoughts about this, what it is. And the question is, are our thoughts the correct thoughts? There’s a lot of misunderstanding regarding marriage. And I don’t think that’s surprising to any of us. Our culture has gone off the rails with regard to what marriage is. And so I think as Christians, we’re called to bring our culture back, or at least seek to bring our culture back, so to speak. We can’t change hearts or minds, but by our example, we can certainly set forth a good example to a culture that has gone astray. So, you can’t read this, I’ll read it for you. This is from chat GPT, and you asked that question, well, what is marriage? At least that’s what I put in.
Marriage is a legally or socially recognized union between two people that establishes a committed relationship and may create mutual rights, responsibilities, and obligations. Often, it involves a commitment, promise to share love, life, support one another, legal recognition, rights and responsibilities concerning property, finances, inheritance, and family. Matters, emotional partnership, companionship, trust, respect, mutual care, family and society, a recognized relationship that may provide a foundation for raising children or building a family. Marriage can have different meanings depending upon a person’s culture, religion, beliefs, and personal values.
Now that’s CHAT GPT. Anything wrong with that, that definition? I know that, at least my understanding is that AI kind of searches the web and all the information on the web and kind of compiles it for you quickly. And that’s what we get. This is what’s on the internet.
Well, the way it’s defined here that it may create mutual rights, may create or it may not, it seems to be the thought on the internet. Or it often involves these things, a commitment, a legal recognition, emotional partnership, family and society, often but not always. And then it can have different meanings, depending upon what you think. Marriage means actually whatever you think it means. And that’s probably a really good definition of how our culture approaches marriage. It can mean anything, anything you want it to be. So is that right? Is that correct? Is it really up to people, creatures, to define marriage? Is it up to the state legislatures to define marriage?
This is from a Supreme Court decision in 2013, United States versus Windsor. And this is from actually Massachusetts’ website. as they kind of tell us what the court decided there in that case in 2013. The court struck down the definition of spouse in the Defense of Marriage Act, DOMA, as codified in 1 U.S.C. 7, a person of the opposite sex who is husband or wife. They struck that down, according to the Massachusetts website, as an unconstitutional denial of equal protection of laws. So that’s out. according to the Supreme Court. In Obergefell v.
Hodges, a 2015 Supreme Court decision, again posted on the Massachusetts website, and according to Massachusetts, as they read the Supreme Court law, they came to the conclusion that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry, and now quoting from the opinion, the right to marry is a fundamental right inherent in the liberty of the person. And under the due process and equal protection clauses of the 14th Amendment, couples of the same sex may not be deprived of that right and that liberty. The court now holds that same sex couples may exercise the fundamental right to marry. And so the Supreme Court has found a right, a fundamental right, in liberty. And out of that liberty of a person, they found that everyone can get married.
Is that right? Is it right for our courts to decide and determine what marriage is? This is from Chet GPT again. The US Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that the 14th Amendment requires states to both issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples and recognize same-sex marriages lawfully performed in other states. So there’s the question.
Is it the job of the Supreme Court of the United States to tell everyone what marriage is? Because those cases cover the nation? Is it the right of the Supreme Court? Is it the job of the Supreme Court to determine what marriage is and who is able to enter into that bond? Well, my answer today is going to be no. I’m hoping that we’re going to see that as we look at scripture.
We need to really start with defining marriage by defining it as an institution, an institution. This is, again, from the internet, as I asked, well, what does it mean that marriage is an institution? Because we refer to it that way. Calling marriage an institution means it’s a socially recognized framework, not just a private relationship. That’s kind of important. It comes with shared expectations, customs, and often laws about partner’s rights, responsibilities, family, life, finances, and care. I probably wouldn’t write it that way, but I think it’s important that we understand that marriage is an institution. And what does that mean?
Another website. about marriage being an institution, the transition from a traditional to a liberal society has been accompanied by a transformation in our understanding of marriage from an institutional model to a romantic model. And see, this is our wrong, our corrupt thinking as we take marriage and place our own definition upon it. And we move from that which the Lord made it to be to something quite different. a romantic model as opposed to an institutional model.
While romantic love is a powerful motivator to form personal relationships, it often fades when those relationships become rocky. We’ll talk about divorce in the second hour. But why do we have so many divorces? Isn’t it because we fail to understand what marriage truly is and we reduce it to this relationship of love, which is undefined in culture. And when that love, which is really undefined, becomes not what you thought it was going to be, then the relationship becomes rocky and often ends in divorce.
See, we’re moving from that institutional model to the romantic model. Traditional marriage is a social institution with moral obligations. I’m not sure who wrote this, but that’s pretty good. It forms the core of families, promotes social stability, and endures fluctuating emotions notwithstanding. Something, I think, as we think about marriage as an institution, that that’s important for us to understand.
So consider other institutions that you might desire to join or enter into. How do you get in? Who grants you entrance? Well, it’s generally the one who owns or controls the institution, whatever it is. It has the authority to define the institution and then to determine who’s able to enter it.
Think of a youth soccer league. Think of a pickleball tournament. I don’t know, is pickleball big up here? Is it? Okay. So just think about those two. If you want to call them institutions, great. Youth Soccer League, a pickleball tournament. The owner or manager of the league or the tournament forms the purpose and rules according to his or her desire and then invites people to join and participate. That’s how it works. whatever kind of institution you’re talking about, the one who owns it, manages it, governs it, is able to define what it is, and then invite people to come into it. That makes sense. That’s how we live. That’s how we understand institutions. That’s how we understand ownership and managerial responsibilities. And so who gets to join the Youth Soccer League? Can I play? I mean, I’m 66. I’m probably not going to be invited. It’s not because I’m too good. They’re concerned I’m going to get hurt, so I can’t play.
What about pickleball? Apparently, if you have a pickleball tournament, you’re going to determine what age groups are in that tournament and who can apply, and you have all kinds of rules as to how to play the game. rules for the institution, made up by the one who owns the institution or governs the institution. So why would it be any different with marriage? Why do we take our thinking and come to the conclusion that marriage is something completely outside of that institutional model, and thus we get to define what it is?
I’m suggesting that it’s no different. If marriage is along the lines of an institutional model, if it’s an institution, then doesn’t it make sense that the one who owns it or governs it gets to decide what it is? That’s really the only question. Who owns or governs marriage? It’s kind of a strange question to ask. And I don’t think we think that way. Who owns or governs marriage, the institution of marriage?
Let me broaden that question just a little bit so we can really actually answer that question. Who owns or governs everything? Isn’t that the question that we really should be asking? Because once we answer that question, then we can drill down into marriage and really open that up.
Well, the one who made everything. He’s the owner, he’s the governor. In fact, that may be the most important question of the day. And if we can get this, if we can get the answer to this question, that God, the one who made everything, is the owner and the governor.
If we get that, I think everything else falls in line for us. If we don’t get this, nothing else will fall in line. And we revert to defining marriage on our own terms. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. That’s the first sentence in the Bible, the first sentence in the 66 books that we have.
He made all things out of nothing in the space of six days and all very good. And as the maker, as the creator, he owns everything, right? He possesses everything. Everything belongs to him. And as a result of that ownership, he’s the governor as well. We call that the sovereignty of God. He’s able to define the purpose for everything and everyone. From Psalm 24, the earth is the Lord’s. That’s such a broad brush statement. And as it comes from God’s word, it is a true statement. The earth is the Lord and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein, which would include every single married person. It would include every single unmarried person. I think it would include every person. For he has founded it upon the seas and established it upon the rivers. Why is the earth the Lord’s? Because he made it. He founded it.
And that’s the way we think about things, isn’t it? We think, if I made something, then it’s mine. I get to keep it. I get to determine how to use it. Trying to figure out how to get a wood stove and cut up and split wood so it can be used. And so I’m making a pile. Would it be right for somebody else to come onto our property and just start taking that? Well, wait a minute, I spend a lot of time. Johnson’s knocked those trees down, now I’m cutting them up. And a lot of labor’s going in, you can’t just come and take as it’s mine.
And isn’t that the way we think of things? Isn’t that true with regard to the creation of all things? The earth is the Lord’s. He owns it. Every beast of the forest is mine. Cattle on a thousand hills. I know all the birds of the hills. Why is it that he knows all the birds? He made them. And as a result, he knows them. And as a result, they’re his.
All that moves in the fields is mine. Scripture could not be more clear as to who owns everything. And as a result of his ownership, who governs all things, You see how we need to go back to those broad brush questions, and as we do go back to those broad brush questions, now the more narrow questions become easier to answer.
I made the earth and created man on it. It was my hands that stretched out the heavens, and I commanded all their host. You see, the connection that Isaiah makes between creation and the ability to command, the authority to command, and the effectiveness of his command. I made the earth and created man on it.
So God is the creator, and we’re his creatures. And that helps us now to really understand What is marriage? God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him male and female. He created them. God didn’t create male and male. He didn’t create female and female. Male and female. And it’s from this, this recordation of creation by Moses, that we can now move closer to defining marriage.
From 1 Corinthians chapter 8, not just the Old Testament, but the New Testament as well, for us there is one God, the Father, from whom are all things, and for whom we exist. Now, if you exist for the Lord, then you’ve got to ask the question, well, how does that affect marriage? I exist for the Lord. Does that have any effect upon how marriage is defined?
It might. From whom are all things and for whom we exist and one Lord Jesus Christ through whom are all things and through whom we exist. Just meditate upon that portion of the verse for a bit. Do you think of yourself that way? that I exist for the Lord Jesus Christ.
I’m not sure we think that way quite often. I think it helps us, though, as we’re defining marriage. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities, all things were created through him and for him. We’ll talk about this more later, but we think generally the culture thinks, I get married for myself. This verse kind of turns that thinking on its head. All things were created through him and For him if you think of marriage as that institution which God himself has established Now we know it’s not a material thing neither is gravity But I think I can put in this category of all things all things were created through him and For him and so if God established the institution of marriage then then this verse is telling us that he established it on for him, for the one who created all things. That kind of turns our thinking on its head with regard to marriage.
So as a maker, owner, and governor, I’m referring to God, maker, owner, and governor of all things and people then, it’s the creator God of the Bible who has the sole and exclusive authority to define the institution of marriage, including who’s invited to enter into such institution. Does that make sense? He made all things. He owns all things. He governs all things, including all people. And so he gets to define what marriage is. He gets to define those relationships between people. Marriage is one of them.
And as he defines it, then he’s able to invite people into it. Just like that youth soccer league, a little bit different, or that pickleball tournament. One who manages, who owns it, gets to define, this is what it’s going to be, this tournament. And now that I’ve defined it, Now I can invite you to come into it. That same principle is at work in scripture as we see God.
God has created the institution of marriage. He’s defined it. And he invites individuals into it. So what has he said about marriage? It’s a big question. We’ve got a few verses to look at, not many. What has God said about marriage? How does he define it?
We’d go to Genesis, I think, is our first place, Genesis chapter 2. And let me just read from that. Genesis chapter 2, beginning at verse 18. Genesis chapter 1, we might think of that as a headline with regard to the creation of all things, and then certainly with regard to the creation of man and woman. Genesis chapter 2 now drills down and takes that headline and opens it up for us with regard to creation of man and woman. Genesis chapter 2 at verse Then the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone.
I will make a helper fit for him. Now out of the ground, the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. Whatever the man called every living creature, that was his name. The man gave names to all livestock and to birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam, there was not found a helper fit for him.
So the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. And while he slept, he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.
She shall be called woman. because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and his mother and fold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. And the man and the wife were both naked and were not ashamed. One flesh.
Those two words in our English versions are full of God’s definition of what marriage is. As we read through this passage, there’s much here, and it would take an hour or two hours or maybe much more than that to unpack all of it. But what we see is that God was seeking a, the way that King James puts it, a help meet. for the man.
He’s alone in the garden where the Lord had placed him. And there’s this pronouncement by God, it’s not good for the man to be alone. And so the Lord, from a human perspective, makes this determination to make a help meet for the man. And so, in a sense, he’s He’s allowing Adam to be convicted that of all the creatures that God had made on the face of the earth, that as he brings them to him, not one of them is a suitable helper for him. Adam is convicted of that.
And so he creates woman from the man. And as a result of now bringing the woman to the man, there is this one flesh that’s created. The man leaves his household, the one that he was raised in, and now he joins to the woman and they create a new household, a new one flesh. That’s the idea. That’s a significant portion of the definition of marriage by God as he creates and he brings these two together. Two flesh now become one.
Jesus refers to this passage as the Pharisees come to him and seek to test him with regard to divorce. And they ask that question, is it lawful to divorce a wife for any cause? And if you know the backdrop to this, Moses had given permission to divorce. And as Jesus explains this to the Pharisees, he explains it is only because of the hardness of your heart that Moses did this. And so the Pharisees, not seeking to really learn anything, but to test Jesus Christ, ask him this question, is it lawful to divorce? And so Jesus now goes back to the creation account, which we just read, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, not male and male, not female and female.
And the male and female and said, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. Another aspect of the definition of marriage. This is not a looseholding. He shall hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they’re no longer two, but one.
So from these passages, we see God’s definition of marriage, don’t we? His definition of the institution of marriage. He establishes marriage and we think of it as an institution that he creates, that he established and defined and invites people into it. So marriage then, a loose definition according to the word of God, as established and ordained by the creator God is a unique and exclusive bond between one man and one woman so close that in the sight of the Lord, the one who joins them, they, like Adam and Eve, become a single flesh according to the holy will and purpose of God.
Let me stop there just for a minute and ask questions. sound like this is in accordance with the word of God? Or does it sound more like it’s in accordance with chat GPT? All right. So that brings us then to our second point of this why marry, to what’s the purpose of marriage? We can go off the rails and I think our culture has gone off the rails with defining marriage, but what about the purpose of marriage? They’re connected, they’re related, but they are distinct. This is the second place where we can go very wrong as we’re thinking through the purpose of marriage. Why? We’ve established that God has made this institution of marriage. He’s defined it. He’s told us what it is, and he invites people into it according to his definition of it. Now the question is, well, what’s the purpose? What’s the purpose?
This is the second place where we go wrong. We tend to think of ourselves first. I think we might all agree with that. In our Adamic nature, our thoughts are, me first. I think that’s what Eve was thinking as she looked at the forbidden fruit, me first. I want to satisfy my desires first, despite what you’ve said, God. We could say that that was her sin. I’m going to cast off the word of God, believing that it’s actually not good for me, and I’m going to consider myself first and what I think is good for me. We tend to think of ourselves first. It comes from Adam. It comes from our Adamic corruption.
And when we think of marriage, we most often ask, what can a spouse do for me? How can a wife or a husband make my life better? I would say that’s the culture of today. What can a spouse do for me? There’s a program on television It had become very popular years ago, and maybe it still is, The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. And if you’ve seen it, it’s this.
It’s the bringing together of potential spouses for one person, and really the question that’s being asked, what can you do for me? What are you going to bring me? Who’s going to bring me the most of these 20 or so candidates? What can you do for me? Now, it’s not put that way on the television show, but that’s exactly what’s happening. What can you do for me? And that’s our tendency. That’s how we think of marriage sometimes.
But remember, the owner or manager of the league or the tournament forms the purpose and rules according to his or her desire, and then invites certain people to participate. And so that’s why we talked about God and his establishing the institution of marriage. And that’s going to flip our thinking as we think about the purpose. God defines the purpose. The organizer of the youth soccer league may desire to promote youth exercise, or competitive spirits, or community fellowship, or develop skills player, or maybe all four of those. Maybe that’s his purpose or her purpose. But he or she gets to define, this is why I’m putting together a youth soccer league. So God is able to do the same.
As a created being, to find the right purpose of marriage, We actually need to step back and first ask that question, what’s my purpose? Why am I here? If we’re able to answer that question, once again, a broader question, it will help us then and lead us to the right answer of the narrow question. What’s my purpose? If I understand that, then I think I’m more likely to be able to understand God’s purpose for marriage. What is my purpose?
Well, the Westminster Shorter Catechism, we’ve got it on the wall up here, asked that question, what is the chief end of man? And to ask that question means, well, what’s the main purpose of man? And it’s not limited to just man. It’s, what’s the chief purpose of people? What’s the main purpose? What’s the chief end? And the answer is fairly simple. Some of us have memorized it. Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.
Again, that’s different than the culture of our day. We don’t think that way. born with that thought within our selves. We’re born with Adam’s thoughts. We’re born with Adam’s mind. And we run from this idea. But that’s why God created every single human being, to glorify him and to enjoy him.
I think that’s going to help us as we think about marriage. If that’s the main purpose of man, women and children, then marriage must be similar. It must be similar. If that’s my individual purpose, and now I’m contemplating, well, what’s the purpose of marriage? Then it must be similar.
Whether you eat or drink or get married, whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. That is such a broad verse. It’s such a good verse for us to think through, to meditate upon. Why am I doing what I do? Whether I go to work in the morning or I’m at school, helping wash dishes, helping make dinner, cutting the grass, Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. So then at its core, the purpose of marriage is not primarily about you. I think that’s a shocking statement to make for our culture today. That marriage really isn’t about you, not primarily.
Tell that to a bride on her wedding day. I think her jaw would drop. If we truly understand and believe that man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever, then this statement is not shocking. It follows, it’s in line. Marriage is primarily about God and his glory. I was expecting some pushback today, but I’m not getting any. So we need to ask, if that’s true, and I believe it is, what is God determined for the purpose of marriage? Marriage is for his glory. What’s he determined?
This is what the Westminster Confession of Faith has in chapter 24, which is entitled Of Marriage and Divorce. This is the second paragraph of it. And this is the way it reads. This is what the divines wrote in the 1600s a few years ago. Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife for the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue, and of the church with a holy seed, and for preventing of uncleanness.” Well, some of that language is not what we’re accustomed to read, but I think we can get some of it. Mutual help, we might be able to understand pretty easily. For the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue. What that means is with an issue or children, who are not born out of fornication or illicit sexual activity, and for the church with a holy seed, meaning growing the church, and then for preventing of uncleanness or preventing of sin.
That’s how they understood the Bible. Now, the Westminster Confession of Faith is not the Bible. It is not God’s word. But it is that which we can use to help us get into the Word of God. It’s that which we can use to help us understand and search the Word of God.
And so what they’ve done is they’ve put forth this one sentence as a summary of biblical doctrine pertaining to marriage. So let’s look that up then. First, mutual help. And the Lord, God said, is not good that the man should be alone. Now, remember, God created everything very good in Genesis chapter one. That’s what we read.
And so his creation is not yet complete as he’s made man, he’s placed him in the garden, yet there’s not a suitable helper yet. And so at this point, when it’s just man, not woman, just man in the garden, things are not very good yet. because there’s no helper fit for man. So what does God do? He makes woman to be that helper fit for man.
And once he does, what happens? Now he’s able to look upon his creation and determine it’s all very good. Remember, why were these two in the garden? Well, they were there to worship God, to commune with God in corporate worship. That couldn’t happen if Adam was by himself. And so he adds to Adam. He provides that mutual help so they can together worship the living God.
What else were they supposed to do? They were supposed to exercise dominion, weren’t they? Over all Earth. It’s a big place. They needed help. Adam needed help to do both of those things. To commune with God in a corporate way and to exercise dominion. Mutual help in order to accomplish those two things.
Then there’s the increase. Genesis 128, we read God blessed them and God said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. Subdue it, have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth. An increase, he calls them clearly to be fruitful, to add to the number that he’s given them so far, that’s two, and fill the earth. Second purpose of marriage. According to the living God, in addition to mutual help, it was to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.
The only way that that was possible was through the institution of marriage, legitimate issue, and godly offspring. From Malachi chapter 2, did he not make them one with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Oh, it’s just a wonderful question. Godly offspring. By and through the institution of marriage, God is not only filling the earth, but he’s also raising up godly offspring to fill the church purpose of marriage. increase of mankind.
And then finally, preventing uncleanness or sin. This is from Proverbs. It seems that the writer of Proverbs, I think that would be King Solomon, was very keen on writing against adultery. of bringing that to the minds, certainly of young people, but to all of us, of the danger of adultery. And here in Proverbs 5, he writes of it, My son, be attentive to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge, for the lips of a forbidden woman, an adulteress, drip honey. See the temptation that’s set forth that Solomon recognizes? For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she’s bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path of Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wander, and she does not know it.”
Solomon is so clear and precise in his warning of the sin of adultery. Marriage, at least one of its purposes, is to keep us clean and pure, away from the forbidden woman or man. 1 Corinthians chapter 7, now concerning the matters about which you wrote, It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman, but because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” Was Paul married? No. But he recognizes the potential for temptation. He says, get married if that temptation is before you. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
So do you find that surprising, the purposes of marriage? I think our culture would, and I’m hoping within the church that’s not too surprising, for God’s glory, for mutual help, for increase, and in the church, an increase of godly seed, and for purity.
It’s pretty simple. That’s God’s word as to the purpose of marriage, why he instituted the institution of marriage. So hopefully then we can, based upon those two points, now come to this question, why would you marry? And answer it. Why would you marry? And I think the first point is that some should not. Some should not. Marriage is not for everyone.
Indeed, the Lord God has called some to the blessing of singleness. And notice that I put it that way, the blessing of singleness. It’s not that marriage is not a blessing, but singleness is a blessing as well. And certainly, he has called out some for singleness. And Paul refers to this in 1 Corinthians 7 again.
As Paul is writing about How should you respond now that you have been converted, you’ve come to know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? How should you respond to that? And he says, he’s writing now about how you respond with regard to marriage. So you didn’t know Christ as your Savior, now you do know Christ as Savior. How should that change if at all, your marital relationship.
And within this passage, as he’s describing that response to being converted and how that should affect how you live today, he said, to the unmarried and the widows, I say, it’s good for them to remain single as I am. So Paul was saying, you know, if you’re single, remain that way. If you can, if you’re not tempted, if God’s not calling you to marriage, if he’s calling you to singleness, remain that way. And that’s good. If you’ve lost your husband, if you’ve lost your wife, and right now you’ve been widowed. Paul’s saying, well, remain that way if you can.
And so some should not, some are called to singleness. And then he understands that this needs some explanation. And so he does. So later on in this particular chapter, I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord. The unmarried man. How to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things and how to please his wife. And we know that. Well, anxious, maybe not.
But what Paul is saying is if you’re married, you’re going to have some divided interests. You need to care for the one that you’re married to, you need to care about that relationship, you need to serve in that relationship. And that’s going to take you away, in a sense, from wholly and completely seeking to serve the Lord Jesus Christ. Your interests are divided.
And so that’s why he can write and does write that. Hey, just if you’re single, remain as you are, if you can, because now you’re going to be able to devote yourself wholly and completely to serving the Lord as opposed to serving the Lord and a spouse.
So some are called the singleness. And as Paul says, that’s that’s a blessing. But not all have been given the gift of singleness. We would agree with that as well. So if you’re not called a singleness, then why marry? That’s the question, right? So remember the purposes. Why marry? Well, for God’s glory. Why marry? For mutual help. Why marry? For increase and godly seed, for purity.
Well, we’ve actually answered that question already, haven’t we? But given those biblical precepts, those truths, this question, why marry, becomes a bit more particular. We’ve answered the broad brush question. Now we want to drill down into a little bit more narrow question.
Why marry this person? If we think about the unmarried person, and this is the question that’s being asked, isn’t it? This is the question that should be asked. I’m not called a singleness. I’m considering this person as the one to marry. And so now I need to ask myself this question, why marry this person? And that question requires this kind of thinking. Again, from 1 Corinthians 7, a wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes.
Only in the Lord. And so there’s a limitation upon who can be considered to be your spouse, if you’re a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, you marry in the Lord, that means that the person you’re considering to be your spouse needs to also be a believer in Christ. It’s another precept. It’s another. Definition of what marriage is by the Lord in his word. Marriage for a Christian is to be to another Christian.
That has to affect the thinking and answering that question. Which thinking should lead to this? man’s chief end. If it’s true that man and woman’s chief end is to glorify God, then the question, why marry this person, must be answered in large part this way.
If I marry this person, will we be enabled by the work of the Spirit to glorify the Lord Jesus Christ in and through our one flesh more than if I remained single or married another. Just think about that for a moment. I could be wrong, but that seems to be what the Lord would have us to ask ourselves as we consider marrying an individual, a particular person. If I marry this person, Together, will we glorify Christ in our one flesh more? And if I remain single or married another, shouldn’t that be a thought?
And that’d be a question. My, my purpose is to glorify God. And if that’s my purpose and it is, then how can I do that best? And so the question is, are you thinking that way? As you ponder, should I marry this person? Are you thinking that way about your future spouse? And here’s a real question. Are you praying that way for your future spouse? And if you’re a parent or a grandparent, Are you praying that way for your children and your grandchildren? Here’s a little bit of a curve ball. But if you’re currently married, is this the way you’re thinking about your marriage today?
That the Lord has joined you together as one flesh with your spouse, such that you together with your spouse are enabled to bring him more, if we can put it that way, more glory. Is that the way you think about your current marriage? This is why he’s brought you together as one flesh. such that you’re able now, by and through the work of the Spirit, to bring him glory through your marriage. And is his glory that which you strive toward with your spouse?
I think those are good questions for us to be asking ourselves and talking to our spouses about and praying about. Let me ask you if there are any questions at this point, maybe some disagreements with what I’ve said. Really, no disagreements. more complete and joyful in his design.
Yeah, well that’s one reason why we’re having the conference and why we’ve chosen this particular subject for the conference. We need to hear this as a church, and certainly we need to exemplify this as the church to our culture. Culture is looking at their church, and we should be first the radiance of Christ, but then in our marriages we should be glorifying God in and through them. And the culture needs to be able to see that. And so that’s one way which we reach out, which we evangelize is by and through our marriages so that people can see this is the way that God has designed us to live in marriages and see the beauty of that. and His glory in it.
Anything else? Yes, sir. I’m just curious why you don’t see in Scripture any marriage ceremonies It’s a good question. I can’t answer that question. I’m not sure why the Lord did not put that into his word for us. I don’t know. That’s a good question to ask when we get the glory. I mean, I’ve heard people say something. I mean, people don’t know anything about the Bible. I don’t see marriage in the Bible. Well, marriage is certainly in the Bible. As far as the ceremony is concerned, yeah, I understand the question.
All right, well, let’s close this session in prayer and then get something to eat and drink and come back. Father, we thank you for marriage and we thank you that you have instituted it. And Lord God, you’ve defined it and you’ve told us what your purpose is in doing so, and you’ve invited us into it. And so, Father, we thank you and praise you. And we pray now that you’d help us, those who are married, Father, to consider how we as one flesh with our spouses are seeking and striving toward your glory. And then, Father, for those of us here and listening, Father, are considering marriage. Father, who are not called to singleness, Father, we pray that even now you provide godly spouses for these dear ones who want to enter into this institution that you have established. Bring them, Father. Join them together that you may fulfill all the design and purposes that you have for our dear friends. We ask all this in Jesus’ name. Amen.