Father, we thank you again for giving us this time, for gathering us, that we might seek to bring glory to your name, that you would edify us with regard to divorce, and Father, what your will is. Help us, Lord, guide and direct our hearts this afternoon. We ask this in Jesus’s name, amen. Well, same agenda.
We’ve talked about that or answered that question or tried to answer that question about why marry, and now the question is why stay married. We could put why divorce here, but I’d like to put it in the positive in terms of why Why should I stay married? So let’s talk about that. Why should I stay married? And I obviously want to have a biblical answer to this question. Why should I stay married?
We’re going to see this again in three questions. First, what is the problem? Secondly, what is the mind or the will of God? And then what is the solution? What’s the problem? mind or will of God, and what is the solution? So let’s begin with the problem. What is the problem?
The Center for Disease Control, I’m not sure why they keep these statistics, but they try to, I suppose. found in 2000 provisionally, because they really don’t know. They don’t have full and complete statistics of the marriages in the United States. There are some states, a lot of states that do report, and I’m not sure how they report and how they know.
But this is what they publish, again, provisionally. In 2000, there were 2 million. 315,000, I don’t think exactly, marriages in the US. This is their provisional report of how many marriages there were in the US in the year 2000, or about 8.2 marriages per 1,000 people in the US. Again, it’s an estimate, I think, as best they can tell. It’s provisional. We’re now in 2026, and this is still provisional, so I don’t think it’s going to get any better than this.
In 2024, according to their provisional statistics, that rate had fallen to 6.3 marriages per 1,000 people, or 2,128,446 marriages, total population of 340 million. So the marriage rate has fallen, obviously, seemingly. Fewer are getting married today than they were 24 years ago, 26 years ago or so. There are no statistics for this year, obviously. This year isn’t over yet. But the idea here is that the marriage rate is down, significantly down.
Well, what about the divorce rate? It’s also provisional, and it’s actually a little bit less certain as more states don’t report this, California being one of them, California being one of the most populous states. And if they’re not reporting, then there’s a substantial number that’s not getting put into this number, this provisional number. Well, there was a rate of 4.0 divorces per 1,000 people in 2000, 944,000 divorces in the US in that year. Again, provisional, not including some very big states. But that lowered to a rate of 2.3 per 1,000 in 2024, about 662,000, maybe 663,000 divorces.
Again, all this is provisional. These are some numbers. Do you put any faith in them? Probably not. But generally, do you see trends? Well, there’s a trend away from marriage, and there seems to be, for some reason, a lowering of the rate of divorce. Yet, we can summarize this.
Fewer marriages and a lot of divorces. 944,000 in 2000, 663,000 in 2024. That’s a lot of divorces, regardless of whatever the rate is. It’s a lot of people going out of their marriages. So as far as the numbers are concerned, that should concern us. There are problems, and people are leaving marriage. People aren’t getting married, and people are leaving marriages.
So why? What happens? What’s the problem? Why do marriages end in divorce? Well, here’s another definition of marriage. Two sinful people. joined together in their sins, which sins are being uncovered daily as they live under the same roof and sleep in the same bed?” That’s really not a definition of marriage. That’s just the reality of marriage. There’s a book. I think it’s a good book, but the title of it is I think it’s when sinners marry. And it begins, in a sense, with this problem. Because marriage is two sinners coming together.
And their sins are being uncovered. It’s, in a sense, fairly easy to hide your sins when you’re by yourself. Even if you’re a child in your parents’ household, you shut the door to your bedroom Your sins kind of remain there, don’t they, unless your parents find out. But when you’re living with a spouse, these things are uncovered. Your sins are uncovered. The ugliness of your sin is uncovered. Two sinners. Genesis chapter 3.
So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was the light to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired, to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. Now remember, as we read that other passage in the prior chapter, in Genesis chapter 2, we learned as Adam and Eve come together as one flesh, did they have any clothes on?
No. Was it a problem? No. Why not? Well, they were very good. They hadn’t sinned. There was no shame. But what happens immediately as they sin against God? Their eyes are opened, and they’re looking at each other. And what are they seeing? Their sin has been uncovered. They’re seeing each other’s shame. And they can’t stand it. And so what’s the first thing they seek to do? cover themselves. We’ve got to cover this up. And so they sow fig leaves together. We know that wasn’t sufficient, was it? What does God do? He gives them animal skins. How does he do that? He’s got to kill an animal. He’s got to shed blood. And so in a sense, he’s covering over their shame, their sins, which they now become knowledgeable of with the blood of an animal. Two sinners coming together, now their sins being uncovered before each other. How do I know two sinners are coming together? Well, because Scripture tells us that everyone is a sinner. From Romans chapter 3, as Paul is, in a sense, quoting one of the Psalms, all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin.
He doesn’t accept anyone. He doesn’t say, well, everyone except those who are married. No, everyone. Jews and Greeks are under sin as it’s written. None is righteous. No, not one. No one understands. No one seeks for God. All have turned aside together. They’ve become worthless. No one does good, not even one. Think of that. Two people coming together as one flesh, and neither one of them are good. Neither one is righteous. Not one. That’s the problem, isn’t it?
As we come together in marriage. Two sinners. And we’re not hiding our sin. It’s just coming out. It’s like Adam and Eve. And this doesn’t change. No matter how long the marriage lasts. This institution is always adjoining together of two sinners. That’s the problem. That’s what we’re dealing with as we come together in marriage. And that is what drives those who are married apart. Our sin. How do I know that it doesn’t stop? Well, we think of the Apostle Paul. We think that the Apostle Paul was a righteous man, godly man, after he was converted.
And yet he writes this, I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God and my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.”
Getting married doesn’t change what dwells in your members. As you’re coming together in one flesh, think of that. Now there’s this multiplication of sin within your members that’s coming now into this one flesh. Now you say, well, Paul wasn’t married. That’s right. But he’s not describing himself as a single man. He’s describing himself as a sinner in the sight of God, and that this applies to each and every person, even those who are converted, even those who are following Christ. Making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. We shouldn’t minimize this. We can’t minimize this. This is the reality. This is who we are as we come together as one flesh.
This is that book that I referred to, When Sinners Say I Do by Dave Harvey. And this is how he opens up the chapter, which is about this problem of two sinners coming together. And so he writes about himself, his own marriage a little bit here, and gives us a couple of examples of that sin that keeps on coming out.
My wife and I had been running a little behind in our intended schedule, rather than waiting patiently, he’s talking about himself, or maybe actually stepping in to help, which he apparently didn’t do. I did what I do so well, I pontificated, this time speculating aloud about how many total minutes of our lives she had wasted in delays.
Ouch. Ow. How hurtful. My calculations didn’t impress her, but the soul-crushing impact of my words was obvious on her face. You know why that hurts so much to read that is because that’s just, I do that. I do that. Two sinners coming together. You think, well, I’m not in adultery. Well, but he’s not either. And he’s saying his sin is just pouring out of him. Or how about this?
Rather than watching a football game on your day off, you decide to do the repair project she’s been asking you to finish. Five frustrating hours later, you put the tools away. And you look to your wife for some expression of appreciation for your personal sacrifice. She glances at your work and says, I wish you would have asked me before you did it that way. You see, the expectation that he had was that he was going to get this really big pat on the back and thanks. He was due that. perspective, and she looked at what he’s done and said, well, really? That’s what you’ve done in response?
So we think of, well, these are little things. Well, no, these are big things. And this is what drags a marriage down, just our words. are thoughtless, self-centered words at times. The problem of marriage, the problem of sin. He goes on, he describes Rob and Sally. They’ve been Christians for a long time. So he’s saying, well, this problem is not a problem that is not present in the church. Job and Sally have been Christians for a long time, like many couples.
They have each adopted certain assumptions about how the other should behave. Isn’t that what we do? We enter into marriage and we have some assumptions about who you are and how you should treat me. They’ve each adopted certain assumptions about how the other should behave, and they each feel they have certain needs that they think the other should meet. Marriage is about me. And so what are you bringing to me? And although they attend church and live conscientious Christian lives, Rob and Sally are experiencing serious marital conflict. Two sinners coming together.
The problems emerge when several times a week they rehearse each other’s failures, reiterate their demands for change, and repeat, with slight variations, the kind of hurtful remarks they’ve been tossing back and forth for months. We could say for years, maybe. Three words, rehearse, reiterate, and repeat. Again, he’s not saying, well, you know, they’re in adultery or pornography, all of which are sins. He’s just talking about the words that they’re exchanging.
Rehearse the failure. You’ve done it again. You’ve done it again. We’ve talked about this before. Reiterate demands. You’ve got to stop. You’ve got to stop. And I’ve heard that like 10 times. You’ve got to stop and repeat hurtful remarks. Again, we consider these to be little things, little sins. These are hurtful and will destroy marriages. And there’s another, yes, two sinners coming together.
There’s another related but slightly distinct problem. And we’ve already touched upon it before. This is from this book. Do you guys know this book? Yeah? This is a great book, Living in a Godly Marriage by Joel Beakey and James LaBelle. Wonderful book, so I highly recommend it. I know you know these authors, so what a blessing. It’s the subversion of all societies. This is in this book, but it’s a quote from Richard Baxter, and so many times in this book they’re quoting from Puritans.
It is a subversion of all societies, and so of the world. that selfish, ungodly persons enter into all relations, he’s speaking of marriage, with the desire to serve themselves and fish out all that gratifies their flesh without any sense of the duty of their relation.
They consider what honor, profit, or pleasure their relation will afford them, but not what God and man require or expect from them. All their thought is what they shall have, but not what they shall be and do. They are very sensible what others should be and do to them. I think that’s supposed to be do to them, but not what they should be and do to others.
This is related to two sinners coming together. It’s a little bit different than what we’ve been talking about, but this is one coming into that relationship, seeking again, what can you do for me? So two problems, both related. Two sinners coming together. Well, why and how should sinners like this stay married?
We’ve seen the problem. We know the problem. I think I can safely say that Each one here has probably experienced that problem of being a sinner. So what’s the mind of God? There’s the problem. What is the mind of God? Is it God’s will that, well, okay, you guys have now recognized that you’re two sinners, you’ve come together, your sins are uncovered, just leave. Just leave. No, that is not the mind of God.
Remember, we’ve already learned that God is the definer of marriage. He’s the institutor of marriage and now the definer. And as He is the maker and thus the owner of all things and all people, including married people. We’ve already learned that. We know that.
So as somebody is pondering or considering whether he or she should remain married, doesn’t it seem appropriate that God should be consulted. That may seem obvious to us as we sit here and we’re not engaged in thinking about our marriages in particular, but it’s not that easy to come to that conclusion when you’re in a difficult marriage, when you’re experiencing problems of being united to another sinner, And your sins are coming out as well, and you’re having these problems, marital conflict. Looking for and thinking through and meditating upon the mind of God is probably not your first reaction. But it should be. It should be. God must be consulted.
And so if you’re made to glorify your creator, and we learned that last time, then a subject such as divorce, as that’s considered, shouldn’t not that question be asked, will God be glorified in and through my divorce? I doubt many people ask that question. Is there on the way to the courthouse? Or is there hiring an attorney? or even as they’re contemplating a divorce, will God be glorified in and through my divorce?
That’s a powerful question and a question that must be asked. In other words, what is the mind or the will of God regarding divorce? What does scripture say? From Hosea, now, what was going on in Hosea? The prophet was called to take a wife of harlotry. Why? Why would God call a prophet to go and take a wife of harlotry, a prostitute? Hosea was to model his maker. Who was God the husband to, so to speak, in the Old Testament? Israel. Was Israel a faithful wife? No. How many times did God keep on going back to his unfaithful wife Israel?
I don’t know, just in the book of Judges. How many times has that happened? I don’t know. Let’s count it up. And that’s just one book. He keeps on going back and back and back and getting his wife of harlotry back. And that’s exactly what Hosea is called to do. He takes the wife of harlotry. What does she do? She leaves him. She goes to another man. And then we get to Hosea 2.
Therefore, behold, I will allure her and bring her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyards and make the valley of a core. A door of hope. God is saying he’s going to bring her back. Bring back this one who was committing harlotry again, loving her again, speak tenderly to her. It’s the nature of God to bring back his wayward wife. And then we get to verse 19, and I will betroth you to me forever. Again, he’s speaking of this wayward wife, his people who continue to stray and stray and stray away from him and go after other and false gods.
And what’s he do? He brings them back. And he promises. To marry that one. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and injustice and steadfast love and in mercy, I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord. That’s the mind of God. And he goes after his unfaithful wife. How does he do that today? How do you do it back then? Through his son, the Lord Jesus Christ. And what is it that Jesus does? Jesus will make his bride blameless and pure and righteous on the day of the wedding.
Hosea is just a precursor to that. Hosea is a reminder that this is our nature, a straying away from God, but he’s faithful and good and he brings us back. He won’t let us go. He will not let his people go. He will not let those whom he has chosen go. That’s the mind of God. Do we think about that when the word divorce might enter into our minds? What’s the mind of God?
Then in Malachi, Take heed then to your spirit and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce. Says the Lord, the God of Israel. And him who covers his garment with wrong. Says the Lord of hosts, so take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously. I hate divorce. Isn’t that apparent as we read Hosea? Isn’t that apparent as we go through judges and we wonder how many more times can Israel stray away from the Lord and how many more times will he come and bring them back? I hate divorce.
That’s the mind of God. That’s the will of God. And then Jesus. Again, this is the verse we read last hour. As the Pharisees are testing him and asking him about, is it lawful to divorce our wives for any cause? And he answers. And he quotes from Genesis, so they are no longer two, but one flesh, what therefore God is joined together, let man not let not man separate. God hates divorce. And Jesus is affirming that he’s confirming that he’s repeating that.
Again, from Beaky and LaBelle, marriage is therefore a sacred bond. When a man and a woman exchange vows of marriage, they are doing more than contracting to share a home and a bank account. How many times do people think that way? They’re entering into a covenant with each other with stipulations and responsibilities. Now, I don’t want to reduce marriage into a written document. It’s not. And that’s not what Beaky and LaBelle are saying. What they’re saying is this one flesh, this bond that God is making, it is equivalent to a covenant, agreement, A relationship wherein we have made certain representations to one another. And we are responsible under those vows that we’ve taken, under that covenant that we’ve entered into.
Why is that important? Well, because God is a covenant making and keeping God. That’s why it’s important. Because he is a God of the covenant. He’s a God who makes covenant and has brought us into covenant. So covenants are pretty important to God. And he calls us, his people, who are made in his image to reflect his glory and his beauty and his radiance. And that’s done in marriage by respecting and keeping and honoring the covenant that’s been entered into when vows were made to one another in the presence of the Lord. You see the parallelism? God, a covenant God, a God who makes and ordains and enters into covenant with his people.
And he calls us to be image bearers. We are image bearers. He calls us to imitate him. And isn’t that part of what we’re doing when we enter into a marriage covenant? Are we, in a sense, imitating God? That’s his mind. As a covenant making and keeping God and he. I’ll put it very lightly expects those who enter into marriage to. Reflect his glory. By respecting and keeping and honoring that covenant because he does. Now, there is an exception. And that is when the covenant is broken. I don’t want to spend a lot of time on this, but I do want to recognize that there is an exception.
And Jesus speaks to it. As the Pharisees come and ask him, can we divorce our wives for any reason, seeking to trap him, And Jesus responds that men should not separate that which God has joined. Then they come back with a second question. Hey, you’re speaking against Moses. Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away? Again, they’re seeking to trap Jesus.
He said, because of the hardness of heart, your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning, it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery. And so what Jesus is saying here is now, if the covenant has been broken by and through sexual immorality, meaning adultery, Then divorce is permissible. It’s not required. It’s not commanded. But Jesus is saying it’s permissible at that point. Why? Because the covenant has been broken. That bond of marriage, that one flesh has been severed. Can it be? Rejoined? Yes. Yes. But at this point, I think Jesus is acknowledging that that bond has been broken.
Divorce is permissible, not commanded. And so it’s an exception. It’s an exception to you should not divorce. And then Paul. To the rest I say, I not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. So some might think of this as a second exception. I would say it’s one and the same. This is a breaking of the covenant.
If a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ is married to an unbeliever, and that’s what was happening in the days of Paul, as people were coming to know the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, they were married as they come, as they’re converted, but their spouses weren’t. And so now they’re in this marriage where one is following Christ and the other is not. And so Paul is saying, well, that’s okay. Continue in that marriage if the unbeliever is willing to stay with you. Don’t divorce. But he’s saying if the unbeliever now leaves, you’re no longer bound.
Why? Because that covenant has been broken again. That’s my thought. That’s my opinion. And so I would say there’s one exception. And the exception is when the covenant is broken, In these two instances, sexual immorality, abandonment, which really are one and the same from my perspective, and there’s permission to divorce. God has called you to peace. But that’s the exception. The general rule, the general precept is I hate divorce.
That’s the mind of God. All right, so now what’s the solution? We’ve seen the problem. We’ve seen the mind of God. We know that marriage is two sinners coming together with their sins being uncovered before one another. We’ve seen the mind of God. I hate divorce. Remain married. What’s the solution? How do you live in a marriage with another sinner? with God’s precept of I hate divorce. How do you do it? Well, very simply, the solution to remaining happily married is sacrificial love. And we could actually end right here. That’s the solution. The solution is loving your spouse like Jesus loves his bride, the church. Sacrificial love is The answer.
The world, and thus our culture, has corrupted, and that means twisted, twisted view or understanding of love. In Adam, meaning after the fall from grace in the garden, and as Adam’s Mind and heart was corrupted as a result of his sin, and he passed that along to us. And so as we’re born, we’re born in the corruption of Adam. We have a sin-inclined heart.
And so when I say in Adam, that’s what I mean. In Adam, we think of love primarily as that which makes me feel good. That’s Adamic love. Your job, as my spouse, is to make me feel good. And that’s how I define love. So we’ve seen the problem. We’ve seen our corrupted thinking. God wants us to remain in our marriages. So first there is a solution. There is a solution. We see it here in a sense in Romans chapter 12.
As Paul has set forth his gospel, now he transitions into applying the truths that he’s given to the church in Rome, and he says, I appeal to you, therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice. Huh. Do you think that applies to our marriages as well? Present your bodies as a living sacrifice. I think that’s part of it. I think as you enter into that marriage relationship, as you continue in that marriage relationship, you’re presenting yourself as a living sacrifice before your spouse. Well, that’s the idea.
Holy and acceptable to God. So those comments that were made by Dave Harvey to his wife in terms of, well, I can’t even count the minutes you’ve wasted on our marriage because of the times you’re late. See, he wouldn’t say that if he was remembering he was to be a living sacrifice before his wife, holy and acceptable to God. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
That’s the solution, isn’t it? Our minds need to be renewed. We think of that just kind of generally speaking as this applying to our walk with Christ as a Christian. This applies to our lives, daily lives. This is what we’re supposed to be doing. Our minds are to be renewed, transformed by renewal. But do we apply this to our marriages? And I’m suggesting we should. Actually, we must. If we’re going to remain in that happy marriage, in that peaceful marriage, in that marriage that glorifies God, present your bodies as a living sacrifice before one another. Continue to transform your mind by renewing it before your spouse.
Husbands love your wives. As Christ loved the church, that’s how. That’s what love is. It’s the sacrificial love. That’s what Christ did. He gave himself up for her. That’s the picture of sacrificial love. I’m giving myself up for you, not like Christ did for the church, because he did that to save individuals, right? He gave himself up wholly and completely to the wrath of his father, such that you would have life and have it in abundance. So that’s his sacrificial love.
And so it’s in a different category. And yet it’s the example, isn’t it? He gave himself up for his bride, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish, in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. And so Paul is saying, well, look, this is what Christ did.
This is the example of sacrificial love. Now, I know you can’t do that, but here’s what you can do. Love your wife like you love yourself. Nourish and cherish her. Like you do your own body. Just as Christ does the church. That’s the definition of love. of a husband for his dear wife, the sacrificial love, this caring and nourishing love that he gives himself up. Yeah, and that one example Dave Harvey gave us, he, instead of watching the football game, he went and did that one task that his wife wanted him to do. He sacrificed. Now, OK, he didn’t watch the football game. I get it. Not a big sacrifice. But it’s an example.
How much are you giving up for your wife? Something we should be asking ourselves. Are you caring for your wife in the same way, hopefully better, than you’re caring for your own body? Our minds need to be renewed. in order for that to happen. Well, it’s not just the husbands. From Titus chapter two, older women, likewise, are to be reverent in behavior, not slanders, slaves to much wine, they’re to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Women, our minds need to be renewed to think this way, to act this way. Yes, this was a prescription to the older women to teach this way, but ultimately it’s a prescription to married women to enjoy their marriages this way, to love your husband, to be self-controlled in your marriage, to be pure in your marriage, to work at home, in your marriage, to be kind, to be submissive to your husband, in your marriage.
That takes renewal. That takes a transformation. We’re not born this way. And the Spirit’s gotta do his work and change both husbands and wives so we can live under that same roof, in the same bed, with that other sinner. Again, from Beecke and LaBelle, the first mutual duty is to love each other. We just saw that in those two scripture passages.
According to the Puritans, love is the most significant and fundamental mutual duty. It is at the foundation of the whole marriage And as such, undergirds and drives all other duties. It’s like the house being built on a concrete foundation. And what they’re saying is the Puritans placed love, mutual love, at that foundation, and everything else builds off of that.
And if you don’t have that, nothing else is going to stand. Nothing. That’s what they’re saying. A good marriage is therefore one in which the husband and wife faithfully show love towards each other. It’s going both ways. It’s going both ways. How is that possible?
How can you love another sinner? You see, it’s only possible because Jesus Christ loved you so much that He’d go to the cross for you. You talk about another sinner. It wasn’t another sinner, because He wasn’t a sinful man. But He went to the cross for sinners, those that hated Him at that time. We, each one of us, were driving nails through Him with our sin. And he still went. You see, you can love your spouses sacrificially only because Jesus Christ has loved you first.
That’s the foundation. The love of Christ, which works itself out in that mutual love. Mutual love is the vital spirit and heart blood of marriage, causing a voluntary and practical union of two without which marriage is but a forced necessity. Quoting William Whatley, the vital spirit and heart blood of marriage. Unless there be a joining of heart and a knitting of affections together, it is not marriage indeed, but in show and name.
That’s what many marriages are today. And they shall dwell in a house like two poisons in a stomach. And one shall ever be sick of another. That’s what Henry Smith is saying. If you don’t have that mutual love for each other, you’re going to be killing each other.
From Ephesians 5, renewing our minds must include considering your spouse as your closest neighbor. We think of our neighbors as somebody down the street, somebody we might run into at the grocery store or the gas station. I think renewing your mind changes that to seeing your spouse as your closest neighbor.
Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Do you think of that passage with regard to your marriages? Like, honey, I’m coming home tonight, and we’re going to sing spiritual songs. I’m not talking about actually singing. I’m just talking about how we talk to one another. I’m going to talk to you in such a way that it’s as if I were singing a melody to you out of the Psalms. That’s how I’m going to address you. Wouldn’t that change your marriage? And then I’m going to submit to you out of reverence for Christ. Those are powerful words. It’s a powerful call. I think it needs to be applied to our marriages.
And Paul, as he writes to those who are having problems of unity in the church at Philippi, Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interest of others.
Have this mind among you which is yours in Christ. Paul is saying, you’ve got this mind if you’re following Christ. He’s given this to you. Now use it. And I’m saying use this in your marriage. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit. Count others more significant than yourselves. Do you count your spouse more significant than yourself? from Matthew 22. I think this is a lawyer asking him that question, which is the greatest commandment in the law? You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.
And the second is like it. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Again, we interpret that passage to be everyone who’s outside of our home. They’re our neighbors outside the home. I think rarely do we apply it to homes, and probably even more rarely to our spouses. Love your neighbor as yourself. That’s the solution, isn’t it? Our spouse is our closest neighbor. And then renew your mind with the wisdom of God. Again, from Proverbs 5.
Let your fountain be blessed. and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely dear, a graceful doe. Let [***] fill you at all times with delight. Be intoxicated always in her love. Psalms and Proverbs, well, some others are referred to as wisdom literature. And here, this is wisdom from God. Be intoxicated always in the love of the wife of your youth. And we could put that the other way, too, right? Be intoxicated always in his love, the husband of your youth. We have to renew our minds. Because our minds in Adam are corrupted. Our hearts are corrupted.
And it’s only by and through the work of the Spirit that this will happen. Those two sinners coming together and that bond, that one flesh can stay together by and through the renewal of the mind here with the wisdom of God. And certainly with the radiance of Christ, the love of Christ. That’s the solution. We know the problem, we know the will of God, we know the mind of God. The only question is then how do we actually do this and stay in these God-given, God-blessed marriages? It’s only by and through the work of the Spirit as he continues to change our hearts to be more like Christ, the one who loved us so much that he would go to the cross for sinners like you and me.
Why stay married? For the glory of God. That’s it. If you’re questioning, if you’re wondering, if you’re listening on the internet and you’re wondering, why should I stay married? Well, this is the answer for the glory of God. Let me ask if there are any questions. We do have a few minutes. Yes, sir?
First Corinthians 7, you talked about it. and unbelieving spouse leaves, how about if a believing spouse, supposedly a believing spouse leaves? I believe I would fall in the same category as abandonment and have to question the faith of that one who’s left. You know, if the outward appearances or the statements of the one is that I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and yet I’m leaving you anyway, not for any biblical reason. I think at that point, if this matter were to come before the church, you’d have to question the faith of the one who has decided to leave and seek a divorce. They have no biblical ground for it. And so I’d have to question that to begin with. And I think I might ultimately, depending upon the circumstances, put that one in the category of an unbeliever. But that would be yet to be seen.
But again, if your spouse leaves you and you’re not concurring in it because there is absolutely no basis for a biblical divorce, Then, again, we’d have to know all the facts and figures before the Church would come to a conclusion on that. But there’s a possibility the Church would come to the conclusion that that spouse who remained has been abandoned, that covenant’s been broken, and therefore divorce could be permissible.
Yeah. So that gives you two reasons. Yeah. Yes. Infidelity and abandonment. And I would place them in the same category of a broken covenant. Yeah. Other questions? Not seeing any. Let’s take a moment and pray. Father, we’ve just touched upon an important and difficult subject this afternoon.
I thank you for giving us the time, but even more so, I thank you for giving us your word that addresses all these questions. And certainly, Father, we have individual circumstances and certainly individual sins. And yet, Lord God, you have given us answers, general answers, and we pray that you’d help us to apply your precepts in each and every case to our marriages. And Father, we ask that you would renew our minds, continue to renew our minds and hearts, that we would be seeking and not only following after Christ, but using Christ in our marriages, Father, that they would remain together and that we would use our marriages for your glory. Help us, Lord. We praise you. We ask you that you would help us to prepare now for your Lord’s Day tomorrow and that you would receive all the glory. We ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.